Overcoming Individual + Epidemic Fear: It’s A Process
Fear has always been my biggest inner shadow.
Fear of losing control. Fear of not being enough. Fear of suffering. Losing a loved one, and so much more.
Then Covid hits and the world goes into panic mode. If you think the higher levels of collective fear haven’t affected you, think again.
There’s a lot of talk about returning to “life as normal” But for me, normal life here in America wasn’t all that normal. However, life is different post-Covid. You don’t have to look to far to find people who are struggling mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and socially.
Sure, some things are getting better. But still, I (and many others) can sense the higher levels of anxiety.
Adopting A New Perspective
What do you fear?
Why do you fear these things? Do you know?
Who is it that’s afraid?
Your ego identity or spiritual self?
After watching humanity swim in fear and survival mode during the pandemic – and living this way myself for years – I’ve decided to adopt a new perspective.
I’m not looking to keep “surviving”.
I’ve been there, done that since I was a small child, and you know what?
Survival mode becomes exhausting.
Mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Isn’t It Time To Thrive?
I keep telling myself it’s time to thrive and I don’t mean just on the outside, though that is nice.
From the inside out, beginning with embodying a sense of peace, safety, and support.
You see, I lived up in my head intellectually for most of my life. While there’s nothing wrong with that, I wasn’t all that in tune with my heart, or spiritual self.
Oh, I thought I was.
However, a couple years ago I really started a deeper path toward becoming heart-centered, or what some call “spirit-centered”. I made a firmer commitment to my spiritual walk.
And, I resolved to begin OVERCOMING FEAR, no matter how I had to go about it.
Almost a year ago, I vowed to meditate more regularly and got a wonderful spiritual mentor. As I stuck to my journey, it wasn’t like immediately peace and bliss enveloped me.
Rather, things came into my life that really seriously had anxiety and fear ruling my life .
I started experiencing some health issues last year. I’d struggled on and off with some chronic condition for decades. However, I never really got to the bottom of it. I did notice it was getting worse symptom-wise, and I realized quickly that fear was really running my life – a deep fear that began when I was just a little girl.
And not just fear, but this profound feeling of separation from my true self, from God, and from others.
Saying Enough Is Enough
Last year, I told fear that I’d had enough. I stared it down and I prayed and asked God to help me overcome this deep-seated fear once and for all. I committed to doing whatever it took to achieve this.
Deep, consistent meditation?
Meet with a spiritual director regularly?
Seek God/Christ consciousness with all that I am?
I declared that I was seeking radical, profound, LIFE-GIVING changes.
First, in my own life. Then, allow Christ-consciousness to shine authentic, compassionate Love into the world.
Shadow Work As An Introspection Tool
The thing about introspection, inner healing work, shadow work (or another introspection tool) is that it’s a lifelong journey.
I wanted the fear (and symptoms) to be gone, NOW.
I wanted to ascend spiritually lightning fast.
But that’s now how it works (for me, at least).
You don’t just do shadow work one or two times and then call it done.
You don’t typically just meditate a month or two and become enlightened. (For some, it takes a lifetime and then some).
Haven’t We Healed Enough Already?
I’ll admit I want to be done with “the lessons”. I mean, haven’t we dug deep enough? Read enough books? Sat on the meditation mat long enough? Done breathwork? Rituals?
Haven’t we healed enough?
Isn’t it just time to “be”?
Can’t we charge up and use our super-spiritual powers already?
All that goes through my mind at times.
At the same time, I still have some deep wounds that surface at times asking for my attention.
To be precise, I contend with:
- Intense fear
- Social anxiety
- Feeling separate from God/Oneness
You see, beginning as just a baby, I started chipping off parts of myself into the shadow side of my ego. I lost sight of who and what I truly am – a divine spirit created by Divine Intelligence (God).
Part of the human journey is forgetting who we are, creating a human identity, and then little by little remembering our true, sacred identity.
It happens incrementally (most of the time).
Loving Every Lost Fragment
In the past few months, I’ve battled intense fear around certain symptoms in my physical body. It’s not that I’m afraid to die, because I know that I am a pure, loving spirit that lives on. I just didn’t want to die NOW. An early exit from Earth.
So, when certain symptoms arose in the body, I found fear right there sitting on my chest. (And don’t you know that’s just where the symptoms manifest!) I knew what to do, meaning I know what tools and resources to use to try to calm that fear. I’d been dealing with it for years, so I was not ignorant of helpful tactics. But it took consistent practice and regular encouragement from my support network.
At the same time, as part of my shadow work journey, I’m learning not to judge what comes up. I spent years judging myself for anxiety and fear. Even after so much effort at trying to manage and heal it, it would still arise, and I’d beat myself up.
I’d think I wasn’t spiritual enough.
I felt shame that I didn’t (and don’t) have my life all together. (Whatever that really means)
But now, with the help of my spiritual director and a constant reminding myself, I tend to recognize when I’m judging those wounds and choose to love them instead.
I recognize that this spiritual awakening journey (or remembering journey) is a lifelong process.
I’ll say, “Oh, I feel you anxiety. There you are again. I see you. It’s ok. You’re ok. I’m ok. You’re just something that’s arising in this moment.” I may then ask it some questions as to why it’s arising, but it doesn’t always let me know. So, I simply accept it and then keep on doing what I was doing or just sit with it. I lavish it with love.
Not Everything In Life Is Amazing
Accepting what arises doesn’t mean life will be amazing. To think that I’ve reached a level of consciousness where everything just falls into place, and I live in eternal bliss is naïve. The roller coaster of life continues to roll on.
I just sit out and watch the ride more often than sit in the seat and ride the highs or lows. I observe my bodily form from my spiritual form. After all, that’s the real me.
I’ve heard many people talk about getting back to life as it used to be before Covid. On one hand, that’s great. We’d love to not walk around with so much fear choking our necks. However, on the other hand, the human population has the opportunity to birth something new.
The dance of dark and light will always be. That’s the world of duality.
While life here on this planet may not be all bliss and love, it doesn’t mean each of us can’t continue to work on ourselves – waking up, healing what needs healed, and showing up as love and compassion.
Fear Is Losing It’s Grip
One thing Covid did for much of the world was bring fear to the top of the consciousness. It’s easy to get so busy that we repress fear. We get busy working, playing, reading, watching tv, and so on. But when an invisible virus starts wreaking havoc in lives, fear can easily surface.
I know plenty of people who said they thought they had a grip on fear until Covid hit. Then, they found themselves doing all sorts of things they never thought they would or feeling paralyzing fear they never thought they had.
For me, fear has been causing me grief for far too long. As challenging as it’s been mentally and emotionally for the past few months, it’s also catapulted me into a deeper level of inner healing work.
Shadow work AND light work.
I’m diving deeper into the shadows to shine light into the illusion that fear truly is.
For I (the real me) will never die. The real me, my spirit or consciousness, lives forever. This physical reality is simply a pitstop to learn all sorts of lessons and wow, am I learning!
Giving Back In Service
I took some time off from writing in the last year. Now, I feel it’s time to get back to it. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be here on this planet among all my brothers and sisters, as well as the beauty of nature. I’m grateful for Divine Intelligence, who I call God, for birthing it all into existence.
My journey within not only leads me to get to know myself better, but this mysterious Presence we call God/Source/Infinite Intelligence. The deeper I go, the closer I feel to Spirit, and the more peace I embody.
Embodying peace feels so good. The world can be turning upside down, but within, I’m observing it knowing that I (the real me) am fine. I will always be fine.
Your Inner Journey
How’s your inner journey?
How are you doing in terms of fear or anxiety?
My heart goes out to the world. There’s a lot going on that is tragic, disheartening, and it’s tough to understand the why of it all at the material realm of existence.
While we may not be able to fix it right now, I do have hope that as each person continues to awaken spiritually in whatever way works for them, that we, the light workers, will indeed help humanity and the planet heal.
You see, awakening spiritually is one of the answers we’re all seeking. To be spiritual means that we’re concerned about the spiritual aspect of ourselves. We want to know who or what we are in addition to the flesh and bones. (Who we were before flesh and bones were birthed into being)
We want to experience authentic peace and joy that comes from the spiritual realm – and God/Source.
The thing is, this usually does not happen unless we travel along our own unique, spiritual journey.
Did you get that?
Your own UNIQUE, spiritual journey.
Your path is uniquely yours. May we all stop judging others for their path and simply let them walk it freely. Be more of an observer and less of the judger.
I love what Black Elk says:
“The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit and that its center is really everywhere, it is within each of us.”
I’ll say that the closer I feel to God or Divine Love, the closer I feel to others, because we are all one. We have all been created by the same Divine Intelligence and that Spirit is within and all around us.
We’re all connected.
So, to wrap up this article, I’d like to encourage you to keep doing some inner inquiry or inner healing work. Do this in a way that resonates with you. Some get a lot out of shadow work or inner child healing work. Others meet with a therapist or spiritual mentor. Still others meditate, pray, attend gatherings, retreats, and so much more. Find your path and walk it consistently. That’s what I’ve been doing and will continue to do so – and freely share with it to all.
Keep in mind that it’s not all about the “doing”.
It’s also about simply “being”.
Observe it all.
Observe your ego personality, and love it.
Observe your wounds, and love them.
Observe other people (including their wounds), and love them.
We’re doing this, and it’s alright.
“Awakening is not changing who you are, but discarding who you are not.” Deepak Chopra
What are you afraid of?
Why do you think you afraid of that?
Overcoming Fear Resources:
Living Fearlessly — Overcoming the Causes of Stress and Worry (Self-Realization Fellowship monk Brother Jayananda)
How To Overcome Fear and Anxiety (Mental Health UK)
How to Face Your Fears: Healthy Ways to Cope (VeryWell Mind)
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27