I Am Not Codependency {Poetry}

 

I struggle with codependency so they say

This means that I’m feeling sad inside just about every day

See, I want to please everyone around me so badly

That’s about the only thing that makes me feel happy, sadly

When they say “Oh thank you! You are so sweet and thoughtful!”

I smile. And I don’t smile that often.

Experts say I’m this way because of early childhood trauma

That doesn’t seem fair at all

Were my needs not met? Did I feel completely alone and unloved?

I must have because that’s how I feel a lot of the time now.

Inner childhood wounds come back to haunt us?

That bites.

I’m trying to have a relationship and it’s so toxic we both are going crazy.

They say opposites attract and unconsciously we attracted each other

And began an addictive dance that slowly destroyed our spirits.

It’s not all my fault. It’s not all her fault.

It’s both of us and our lack of knowledge and growth.

Codependency is a silent killer of relationships.

So is emotional manipulation.

I found out I’m petrified of being alone.

When we break up my insides are a mess.

I’m like a drug addict going through withdrawal.

We’re so confused and hurting each other and don’t even know why.

I’ve become so bitter and angry and sad.

No matter what I say or do I seem to hurt her and I don’t even know how I do it.

I used to like myself and be strong.

But life’s circumstances and emotional manipulation made me break.

And when I fight to draw a boundary line

It never goes well.

Drama, mistrust, jealousy, control, manipulation, pride, ego, selfishness

What kind of relationship is that?

One that needs to end.

And it has.

Before it’s too late, we finally made a choice.

Break the addiction. Draw the lines.

Get some much needed help and for god’s sake grow.

Fill the void with the only Love that matters

Become strong one day at a time

Join with others on a quest to find self

And begin taking good care of self

I am not my codependency. No, not anymore.

It has been a long time coming.

I am a radiant spirit growing stronger each day

I’m beginning to love myself and remember the feeling of peace

But some days I still cry

I still feel alone sometimes

I share my story so others can know

They are not their codependency either.

It’s never too late to wipe the slate clean and begin anew

I don’t know much, but one thing I do

There is hope. There is most definitely hope.

And help for codependency.

I am not my codependency.

And neither are you.

Dominica Applegate  {Codependency Poetry}