For Those Silently Screaming, Alone

You may be surprised to know just how many people go through life haunted by silent screams of loneliness, emptiness, and apathy. Nah, they won’t tell you and you won’t be able to tell because they are so good at wearing masks, distracting themselves, and living in shame. Their biggest fear is that you and I will discover who they REALLY are and reject them.

I know, right? I mean, who they think they really are ISN’T even who they really are!! It’s their ego’s perspective of them, because the truth is that they are FREAKIN’ PHENOMENAL SOULS OF LIGHT AND LOVE.

Sure, they may grasp at things every so often and think about addressing their hollowness and the ache of their soul, but let’s be honest in saying that’s not for the faint-hearted.

It’s tough stuff doing the inner work.

We’ve landed on this planet, quite blinded as to how we’ve succumbed to the rat race, merely cogs in the industrial wheel. Day after day. Month after month. Year after loooooooong year.

And even for those that have had the blinders ripped from their eyes by doing some ego excavating to get to the real source of existence and purpose, the memory can go.

We can forget just why in the world we are here.

Listen, I find life pretty darn meaningless when I’m a cog in a wheel, simply working for a paycheck. Now, for the most part, I like my job. After all, I work for myself much of the time. Still, I can lose sight of my meaning and purpose among all the “work” by pushing the hours, getting obsessed with things, and not taking time to BREATHE.  And, really pay close attention to what Spirit wants me doing.

But I know without a shadow of a doubt that we’re all capable of really getting honest with ourselves- the loneliness, emptiness, fears, shame, apathy, not feeling good enough, etc.- and digging deep to journey toward the real-deal, fierce Love that resonates at our core. I mean, do we really think we are made up of this flesh?

No. We are tiny, tiny particles of light. We are God as expressions. We are spiritual beings on this planet to experience the whole gamut of emotions and experiences, but we don’t have to let the painful ones define us. Our feelings and experiences are not our identity.

Listen, throughout history people have been journeying to find themselves. They ask the challenging questions:

• Who am I?
• What am I here for?

The journey to self-love, or emotional wholeness, is universal. We’re born, we start off very pure as babies, then well, “stuff” happens. We start to realize that things don’t always go as planned. We experience pain and trauma and we don’t know how to cope, especially as a child. So we form all sorts of defense mechanisms and thus, we pile up layer after layer of junk over our beautiful selves.

Until we enter a period of life where we’re just so tired of running, numbing, experiencing excruciating pain, and being so disconnected with our true selves. We look in the mirror and wonder who that person is wearing that hideous mask. And we feel so exhausted.

Maybe you’re there now. Depressed. Fearful. Disillusioned. Emotionally tapped out. Sometimes even I feel this way and I’ve been on this spiritual journey for some time now. And rather than judge myself, I simply acknowledge it and carry on.

Begin a new journey into the unknown.

The spiritual journey will take you into unknown territories. Scary places. Ego faces. Your deepest fears. The trauma you’ve never addressed. The defense mechanisms you rely on to get by. You’re broken heart. You’re feelings that you let define you. Your disconnect with God.

It won’t be easy and in fact, you may need someone to help journey you through. Please do, though. Please commit to taking a season to journey backwards. A journey toward waking up. A journey to set your eyes on a new horizon, a new perspective, a new spiritual world.

Pain is an opportunity to grow. Use it as a springboard for a spiritual awakening. I don’t care how many times you’ve “tried” before. Try again. You think that others aren’t in the same shoes as you? Multitudes are. They’re lonely, fearful, sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Angry. Petrified. Frustrated. Alone. Our pain is universal, but a soul that commits to doing the deep, inner work and expanding will always grab onto others and help them journey once they start waking up.

How to journey toward self-love

I don’t have all the answers. In fact, I can only come from a place where I have been and others have been. Each soul has a unique path, but many have found solace and meaning by embarking on a spiritual journey that involves facing emotional core wounds that stem from the past, especially as children. It comes from a place of authenticity. The real deal you being honest with yourself. Unashamed.

We wrap up presents to give to others, not to cover the ugliness, but because we want the awesome present to be a surprise. We’ve wrapped up our “awesomeness” with some painful layers, or wounds, from the past. But we can unwrap ourselves layer by layer, using various techniques like meditation, therapy, prayer, yoga, rituals, Shamanic journeying, shadow work, inner child healing, sound therapy, drumming, breathwork, and more. Try one, try them all, but do what works for you.

Think of it as a journey through the valleys

As you embark on your spiritual journey, think of it as if you are on an adventure through valleys and try not to focus so much on arriving at your destination, but paying great attention to the journey itself. Journal the adventure! One day you may be strolling nicely down into the valley, but the next you may encounter monstrous demons or pitch blackness. Another day you may have to hike some treacherous hills, but then you make it to the top of that mountain, and wow, you feel freaking amazing! All of a sudden, you understand WHY you had to go through that painful time or why THAT person was put in your life. Or maybe even why you were born to the set of parents you were born to. Just maybe.

Listen, we’re all here on a journey. No one has all the answers, but we all have something to bring to the table, so-to-speak. From our wounds, we can allow our healing to be the Light for others. We can share our stories with others, failures and successes, to give them hope. We can be real and raw, allowing vulnerability to cultivate intimacy with others. After all, we all crave unconditional love and acceptance from others. We all just want to feel like we fit and are loved, no matter what our past has been like.

Take a moment to contemplate your journey. Get quiet with yourself and be honest about how you’re really feeling. Are you just going through life’s motions? Are you numbing out via alcohol or drugs? Are you eating to try to fill the hole in your soul? Have you “checked out” emotionally?

It’s ok to be real. We need real. We need vulnerable hearts among safe and sacred spaces. Don’t know where to turn? Pray. Ask to be guided. Reach out. Trust.

I’ll end with a quote by Rumi, that speaks loud and clear to me:

“There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.
You feel it, don’t you?” 
― Rumi