Breathe. You Are Not Alone
Breathe: You’re Not Alone
“I just found out my partner relapsed. We’ve been together four years and sure, we had our share of problems, but this has devastated me. I don’t even know what to do anymore. He says he’s done. Says he doesn’t want to lose me, but last night he was out till 3am doing God knows what. I look back to the last six months and now I can see the signs. The staying out later. The sleeping all day on Sunday. Not wanting to do much with me. Easily distracted. Rotten moods. The signs were definitely there, but now what? Do I trust that he’s really done? What if he really falls off the wagon big time? What’s our future look like? What if he relapses and overdoses? Geez, I’m going crazy here. What should I do?”
Dear precious soul,
You may have experienced something like this story, or maybe you’ve been dealing with your partner’s addiction for a very long time. Or maybe your partner emotionally or physically abuses you. Or they’re just not emotionally present.
You’ve got so many emotions swirling through your body and you’re tired. Confused. What to do?
I want you to take a deep breath right now. Real deep till you can’t take in any more air. Then, slowly exhale and relax your entire body. Now, do it one more time.
Inhale…. slowly exhale and relax.
This is an important step toward gaining a sense of your own serenity. This is you getting out of your head (those racing thoughts) and settling down into your physical body. Your PRESENCE.
What’s going on?
Right now, you may not understand what’s going on in you or your partner. You wonder why in the world you have to experience this situation and where is God in all this? Is there a God at all? How about a heaven? Because right now you feel like you’re in some sort of hell.
Listen, life is turned upside down right now, but you don’t have to face it alone. You’re angry, scared, and confused and God knows. It’s not comfortable, but I assure you that right now that YOU have an opportunity to grow and change in ways that’ll blow your carnal mind.
This “situation” you’re in with your partner is a prop (oh, a sucky one, for sure), but yeah, a prop for both of you to look away from the surface stuff and set your sights on something bigger.
Something more powerful.
You think you’re primarily dealing with your addicted or emotionally unavailable partner/friend/family member – and to a degree, you are – but you’re most likely also dealing with a level of codependency too.
Listen to this definition of codependency:
Codependency – “Excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one with an illness or addiction who requires support” or “a dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.”
And that co-dependency, or unhealthy attachment to your partner, signifies that at the very core, YOU are disconnected from yourself and God. Your self-love is suffering, and you’ve become somewhat dependent upon your partner to feel worthy.
So, moving forward I want you to start thinking about your relationship issues and contemplating how your present issues might not have much to do with your partner.
Rather, they’re simply a “pawn” in your life that trigger things in you that you have the opportunity to heal or work on. That boyfriend or husband that is driving you crazy or hurting you over and over is in your life for a reason and it’s not necessarily about them; it’s more about you and your life journey.
Your spiritual journey.
God, I choose to look toward You for guidance, clarity, and peace. Even amidst these uncertain times with my partner, I’m choosing to be open minded to your greater plan for my life – and my partner’s life. I’m choosing to trust You in that no matter what happens, I’m not alone and You are always here to comfort me.
Dominica Applegate is an author, writer, and transpersonal spiritual teacher. Her teachings have helped millions of people experience emotional healing, relationship repair, and spiritual awakening. Earning her BA in Psychology and MA in Counseling, she worked 12 years in the mental health field before diving full-time into writing.
She runs Rediscovering Sacredness, an online portal that offers inspiration, essays, resources, and tools to help heal inner pain and experience more peace and joy.
Her books include Recycle Your Pain: It Has a Purpose, Into The Wild Shadow Work Journal, and a collection of poetry entitled, The Pain, It Shapes Her World.