Codependency Recovery – Start Here
I’m Coda What?
“Are you kidding me? I’m not codependent and I don’t need a support group!”
That was me ten years ago, when I was an emotional basket case and clueless about just how deep I was in a codependent mud puddle.
A codependency recovery support group? Really? I had six years of college in a field where we helped people with “issues”! You really think I need to sit with a group of people to talk about how miserable we are?
Or so I thought. Actually, the first time I heard about codependency and a support group to match, I had no idea what the term meant. I just knew that the person telling me about it knew I could use some help. I mean,
I was falling apart on every level and it wasn’t pretty.
Fresh out of a marriage and straight into a toxic relationship can certainly land you there.
Come to find out later that support groups aren’t really as awful as I thought they were. After my own stint going to Nar-Anon and Codependents Anonymous, I learned a great deal about myself, people, relationships, and the world.
The day I found out I was suffering from codependency was a miserable and wonderful day. Miserable, because well, I was miserable. Wonderful, because I could finally put a name to my emotional mayhem, and that gave me hope that I could indeed begin climbing out of the pit of confusion, anxiety, fear, and depression.
Welcome, dear one.
Happy you’re here.
Chances are if you’re here reading this, you find yourself in one of the following scenarios:
1 You’re struggling with codependency characteristics and you’re just not feeling like you’re making headway. You feel like you fit the criteria for “codependent”, but the recovery part you’re not sure about. You keep ending up with someone who is emotionally unavailable. Or your relationship is jam packed with highs and lows, and the lows really stink. Or maybe you’ve just suffered a breakup and you’re completely shattered. You’re trying, but putting yourself back together just seems so overwhelming, and well, you’re so.freaking.lonely.
2 Your partner is struggling with drinking too much, alcoholism, or drug addiction, and you’re losing your mind.
3 You just found out your partner, spouse, or loved one (son, daughter, etc.) is knee deep in addiction of some sort. You’ve got a lot of emotions going on. You’re scared, angry, confused, sad, frustrated, and want to know how you can help them.
Regardless of what scenario you’re in, chances are your emotions are getting the best of you more often than you want. And,
Some of you are writhing in pain and confusion, not having a clue what to do next.
This is one reason CODEPENDENCY RECOVERY was created.
A sort of “survival guide” for those who are struggling with codependent characteristics. Those in volatile relationships, those who have partners that are drinking or drugging too much, those that are clingy or needy, or the single person who just doesn’t want to fall into yet another toxic relationship.
We’re Each Walking a Unique Path
Regardless of what type of recovery path you’re walking (codependency, addiction, etc.), our paths won’t look the same.
Embrace diversity, as we’re all different and what works for me might not work for you. Here you will find recovery methods, modalities, theories, and treatments that come from a variety of fields and avenues. From psychology to neuroscience to faith-filled religions to alternative paths.
I say that to say this: Take what you want or need here and leave the rest. No need for hate e-mail or throwing the baby out with the bath water. (Who came up with that analogy anyway?)
Use what works for YOU.
There is a sandpaper kind of love that rubs you raw – a kind of toxic or unhealthy love that stems from this thing called codependency. A kind of love that gives from a half-empty cup of bleeding wounds.
And if you’re in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction, an emotionally immature person, abuser, or narcissist, chances are you’re feeling this toxic kind of love – if you even have any left for this person. I mean, addiction and/or selfishness can turn someone into a completely different person, ya know?
You need hope, whether this relationship makes it or not.
You also need a vision and a road map.
If you live with someone who drinks or drugs way too much, if you’ve tried everything to get them to stop (yelling, giving ultimatums, nagging, cold-shoulder treatment, etc.), or if your partner has turned out to be extremely selfish or narcissistic, then it’s time to do something different. Time to learn some skills to regain control over your life, because you know what?
Your sanity matters. Your LIFE matters.
We’re going to be talking a lot about love – a healthy kind of love – a God kind of life –that can help you begin to heal, but it may also help your loved one to heal too. You’d be surprised at how love and kindness can help motivate a person to change.
Assuming you’ve become co-dependent upon your loved one, (aka “my feelings depend too much on someone else’s mood and behavior”) we’re going to direct your attention to the REAL YOU underneath codependency characteristics; the soul part of you that perhaps you’ve forgotten about.
We will encourage and motivate you to begin a serious inner journey that will beckon you to begin healing layer after layer of pain and re-wiring old, faulty programming that has not served you or your relationships well.
You didn’t come here to caretake and people please at the expense of YOUR wants and needs. Having a giving heart is lovely, but “over-giving” is exhausting and will suck the life right out of you.
We really want to inspire you to look at your partner, relationship, and codependency in a different light, one that will feel lighter. Brighter. One that will help you see that codependency characteristics CAN be your greatest gift in life, because as you download key information and allow God to work in the depths of your soul, you know what’s going to happen?
You’re going to feel less emotional strain. You’ll know better how to contend with an addicted or narcissistic partner, perhaps even sticking with them whether they get sober or not – and feel happy about it.
- You’re going to journey back to YOU and GOD.
- You can gain more control of your life and not let emotions or behaviors tower over you.
- If you are in an unhealthy/toxic relationship and afraid to leave because you don’t want to be alone or deal with the stress, you CAN reduce or overcome that fear and say, “Hasta la vista, baby!”
- You can better manage life with an addict or alcoholic.
- You can learn how to check in with yourself regarding your needs and wants and let others know as well.
- You can learn how to set boundaries and keep them.
- You can be alone and feel safe and secure.
- You can leave an abusive relationship.
- You can experience life and relationships full of authentic love and freedom.
Again, welcome. So glad you’re here!
Dominica Applegate is an author, writer, and transpersonal spiritual teacher. Her teachings have helped millions of people experience emotional healing, relationship repair, and spiritual awakening. Earning her BA in Psychology and MA in Counseling, she worked 12 years in the mental health field before diving full-time into writing.
She runs Rediscovering Sacredness, an online portal that offers inspiration, essays, resources, and tools to help heal inner pain and experience more peace and joy.
Her books include Recycle Your Pain: It Has a Purpose, Into The Wild Shadow Work Journal, and a collection of poetry entitled, The Pain, It Shapes Her World.