Are You Dating A Narcissist?
Are You Dating a Narcissist?
The world of dating can be pretty tricky, as we’ve all heard horror stories of our friend who got into a relationship with a cray cray or narcissist. If you’re in the dating game, or you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering how you can tell if you’re with a narcissist, here’s an article that will help you out.
First of all, a narcissist most likely doesn’t even know he or she is a narcissist. And even if he suspects it, chances are he doesn’t care and doesn’t want help. So, if perhaps you have gotten entangled in the narcissist’s web, it’s best if you’re prepared before you try to contend with this. Confronting someone about their narcissism usually does not go very well.
The following are some signs that you are indeed dating someone who could be classified as a narcissist.
1. They’re never wrong
A narcissist has a really tough time offering an apology, mainly because he doesn’t think he’s ever wrong.
2. They’re full of themselves
A narcissist loves attention and needs his ego stroked much of the time. Some say they’re like emotional vampires, because they don’t have the self-love deep down that they need in order to feel good about themselves. It might seem like they love themselves, because they’re quite selfish and egotistical, but really, they need their ego stroked in order to feel good about themselves.
3. You’re always wrong
As we said before, a narcissist would rarely admit that he is wrong, so they’re really good at making others wrong. They’ve got a fragile psyche, because they have never dealt with their childhood wounds. So, they have this inflated ego and that makes it really tough for them to hear you when you go to him with an issue. Most of the time he’ll take whatever it is you’re saying and somehow turn it around to make you the one who’s wrong.
4. They are manipulating masters
You probably won’t pick up on this for a while, but a narcissist is a master manipulator. They need to control, and it’s a very root of that need to control is this petrifying fear of being abandoned. They’ll manipulate conversations and situations to make you feel like you’re wrong, because if you feel like you’re wrong, you’re less likely to leave him.
5. They’re vain
We’ve already mentioned how egotistical narcissist are. They’re vain, they’re full of themselves, they think they’re God’s gift to the Earth. They believe that others put them on pedestals and they put themselves there too. Sometimes it can come across as simply being confident, but the real test comes out when they’re not getting the praise or attention that they think they deserve. Then, they can become angry and begin a whole host of behaviors that are less than appealing.
6. They emotionally or verbally abuse
It’s not unlikely for a narcissist to emotionally or verbally abuse their partners. That could be belittling you when you’re out with friends, sending you ugly texts when he doesn’t get his way, giving you the silent treatment because you didn’t do or say what he thought you should, playing mind games with you, and so on. And just so you know, none of this is ever okay.
7. You never feel heard
Chances are you want to emotionally connect with your partner, but a narcissist is unable to emotionally connect with you. You may go to him for emotional support or just to connect at a deeper level, and you’ll be met with aloofness and perhaps coldness. His waters will never run deep, and chances are he will never really listen to you. He’ll tell you that you talk too much, or he’ll tell you to go to your girlfriends to discuss your issues. He has very little tolerance for trying to be a support to you as you navigate life.
8. They’re intolerant
The narcissist will not want to put up with any drama from you. If he wants to create some drama, fine. But let’s say you have an awful day at work, or someone treats you poorly. You go to him for support, and he just doesn’t want to hear it. He might tell you you’re acting like a baby and just grow up and get over it. He lacks empathy and will be challenged when it comes to giving you any emotional support. However, he’s sly and he wants something, he can conjure up some other thing in order to get what he wants. He also won’t want to discuss relationship issues with you. It’s tough for him to think that he’s done anything wrong or that he has room for improvement, so he may make you think you’re crazy if you go to him wanting to discuss your relationship issues.
9. You can’t nail down conflict resolution
This brings me to conflict resolution. Essentially, there is none in your relationship. Let’s say you go to your partner trying to set a boundary, because you’re tired of being belittled in public. So, you go to him and tell him that you don’t appreciate this type of behavior, and you’re drawing a line in the sand and say no more. You let him know that continued belittling is a deal-breaker for you. He doesn’t take it so well, and thus starts an emotional roller coaster ride, where at the very end of the conversation, you find yourself apologizing to him for even bringing it up. You feel awful for feeling the way you do, and for bringing waves into your relationship ocean. So you walk away, tail between your legs, feeling defeated and feeling disappointed in yourself because deep in your heart you know that you’re right, but he makes you feel wrong.
This is not an exclusive list of narcissistic characteristics, but I think that you’re getting the idea. Do you see some of these traits in the guy you’re dating? Are you in a relationship with someone like this? If so, know that you’re not alone, and it will be necessary for you to begin a journey to learn more about toxic vs. healthy relationships.
It will serve you well to continue learning about narcissistic behavior, but also codependent behavior. You can begin a journey toward working on your own self, and becoming stronger in and of yourself. You can begin a journey toward becoming closer with your Creator, and if you need to walk away from this narcissist, you’ll grow strong enough in order to do so.
If you need help, please reach out.
Dominica Applegate is an author, writer, and transpersonal spiritual teacher. Her teachings have helped millions of people experience emotional healing, relationship repair, and spiritual awakening. Earning her BA in Psychology and MA in Counseling, she worked 12 years in the mental health field before diving full-time into writing.
She runs Rediscovering Sacredness, an online portal that offers inspiration, essays, resources, and tools to help heal inner pain and experience more peace and joy.
Her books include Recycle Your Pain: It Has a Purpose, Into The Wild Shadow Work Journal, and a collection of poetry entitled, The Pain, It Shapes Her World.